Crap Blogging 2
BTDT. Colonoscopy #5 in the books. Raised a few eyebrows at the front desk when I said that I didn't bring a relief driver and wouldn't be doing any sedation.
I do the nurse interview, and they fail to understand that I wasn't going to have sedation and refused to be stuck with an IV. When the nurse tried to tell me that it was a precaution, I told her how far away (8 blocks) the nearest ambulance was and where 911 was on her phone. Then I wrote it out on an addendum to the consent form and had her sign it. That convinced her I was who I was (a curmudgeon).
They send me in to dress in, and I get a size petite gown to put on over my vast ass. It didn't fit so I got to moon the entire staff and half the patients as I walked to the 'scope room. Got on the table, was covered with warm blankets, a nice touch.
Little slip of a gal sets up the ass-scope, and soon the doc comes in. Eastern European with a military haircut, perfect white lab coat and a tie. From his position at the top of the chain, HE thought it OK that I was going in concious. That finally shut the nursing staff up.
He lubes up the snake and up it goes, to the first turn. I prided myself on how good a job I did with the prep. You could have served dinner in there. He starts into the first turn. Backs and fills like a semi-truck jockey, but can't get around the turn dispite blowing me full of CO2 to the point of #9 pain.
Then he says, "Well, I guess we'll have to try the SMALL scope, it makes tighter turns." I'm glad I left my gun out in the vehicle at that point. In goes the small scope. I can hardly feel it, and he greases it around the turn easily, then a lesser zig, couple of zags and he's at the end of the colon, where we get to see the construction, like a two-into-one motorcycle exhaust pipe, that my surgeon had constructed when he took out the damaged part two years ago.
"Nice work", says the scope doc. "Who did the operation". I tell him and the doc allows as how Dr. Lehti really IS the dean of colon surgery in these parts. The snip-and-collect work is done on the way out. All I feel are slight tugging twinges as the little jaws rip the 5 polyps out of my poopchute. None of them bleed enough for cautery (electro-sealing).
I blow several juicy blasts on the netherhorn, but the doc doesn't mind because he is gowned up in plastic. He even looks at his gown each time to make sure there's no blood. Very professional.
Aside from some Class 9 gas cramps, mostly on the first attempt, this was a breeze, so to speak. A short wait of several days for the lab work on the snippets, and I'm done with this ditty.
Glad everything went ok and you had a good doc!
Do you get to go back to the normal meds now that don't make you sick?
Oh, and I hope you've enjoyed something good to eat!!!
Posted by: Aaron_Neal | March 30, 2006 at 18:43