Nom de guerre: Rivrdog

Easy Ed of Iggle Crik

Easy Ed is an old compadre of mine, another local retired LEO. He lives in a little wide-spot village on one of the highways into the Cascade Mountains, about a half-hour southeast of me. He's a gunny (OR State championship rifle team, '63), specializing in varminting, and in THAT persuasion, specializing in wiping out the rancher's nemesis, the Sage Rat. Lately, he's a HUGE fan of the micro-sniper 17HMR catridge, which he is FOREVER on my case about adopting. I keep telling him that it's fine for micro goblins like sage rats, but not so good for larger goblins, for which I prefer at least a .243 Winchester.

Easy Ed isn't just about guns, though. In fact, his main claim to fame is that he is a curmudgeon, and has the gift of reducing his curmudgeonliness to VERY FEW WORDS!

Here, he reacts to various article headlines in today's fishwrapper, aka, The Oregonian:

1.  "Give governor $36,000 raise panel says...salary isn't up to par with other govs.." Has anyone entertained the idea of reducing other governors' salaries to match ours? Now,there's an original thought.

 

2.  "Jet crash claims 153 in Madrid."

     The plane in Spain falls mainly on the runway.

 

3.  "Gay marriage in Oregon, Tribe says yes,"

    It gives a whole new meaning to the word HOW.

 

4.  "Amish numbers nearly double in 16 years."

     Does this mean they're as prolific as Catholics and Mormons?

Oh, and did I mention that Easy Ed is NOT politically correct?

You may respond to Easy Ed in comments, and I will pass along your messages.

You may osculate with my posterior

I have gotten away from the You may Kiss my Ass posts in recent months. It was a mood thing, I guess, but now I'm ready to resume them.

I think I touched on this a few weeks ago, in regard to NASCAR's overboard promotion of this "charity", which, like NASCAR itself, is more of finely tuned money-extraction machine than anything else.

I know about Autism. One of my children is autistic, but because parental custody of that child was awarded by a sexist Court to my ex-wife, who badly mishandled her remedial training, the child was not allowed to reach her full potential as an adult, as both testing and promising early training experience had shown she was capable of.

Autism is now our new "Attention Deficit Disorder" or whatever they call it now. It is the "cross to bear" of the decade. Those labeled as afflicted are usually afflicted with mild to severe mental retardation, a better term that functionally describes the problem. The "autistic" are given excuses, any excuse NOT involving admitting that their brains are actually damaged.

Now, if we want to pour money into a research black hole, it should be research into brain chemistry in ALL it's minute and finite variations. A chemical map of the brain and how it is supposed to work would be very useful, because chemical analysis could then alert us to abnormalities in a child's developing brain BEFORE the prospect of reversing damage had winked out.

So, years ago, some parents of brain-damaged children who had also been inoculated against childhood diseases as the State had determined was necessary, turned out to have manifestations relating to their brain damage that was declared to be the fault of a preservative in the vaccines (this is why brain chemistry research is needed!). The company making the preservative and the companies marketing the vaccines were all hit with huge compensatory damages in the usual game of "convince the dumb jury that this is all the fault of the rich, uncaring capitalists".

Now comes the other shoe dropping. A number of parents, including two here in Portland, OR, are suing to have a finding that the preservative caused not only damage in their childrens' brains, as the court had previously found, but that it had specifically caused "autism".

Why is this an issue?

It is an issue because "autism" is the new boogeyman. It is the new boogeyman because of groups like "Autism Speaks", who are out there running a lavish corporate empire based on your sympathy.

Aha, you note, the resident ranter has come full circle.

Yes, I have, and it's time to award the "You may Kiss my Ass" award for today to....

The Fourth Circuit of Oregon! For being the go-to den of crybaby justice, the mavens of malpractice, the home of so many ambulance-chasers that they need a special parking garage just for plaintiff's attorneys. Yes, the Circuit Court of Oregon for Multnomah County, you may Kiss my Ass!

BTW, I used to be an Officer of the Court there, so I KNOW how bad they are.

Q.O.T.D.

Question of the day:

Is it possible to be a conservative and hate the predatory way big banks do business with little people?

We need a new set of banking regulations that will bring the likes of the Bank of America down out of their robber-baron castles to the customer-friendly village street that they claim to operate in, but don't.

Examples:

• Why do you get a bank statement for your credit card that is due on a day when the bank isn't open for business, so that in order to avoid a late fee, you actually have to pay them their money two days before the due date? It's not really a "due date", then, is it? The actual due date is two days earlier.
• So, when you try to pay electronically, they refuse to post the funds to your account until the next banking day, which makes the payment late, and subject to their stratospheric late charge. My credit union, where all my money resides, allows charges to deduct against my accounts 24/7, so why can't the B of A accept that same electronic transfer 24/7?
• Still trying to avoid the late fee, I go next to their telephone payment system. All goes smoothly, and there is even a message saying it will post TODAY (non-banking day). At last, the cheapie analog phone system works where their billion-dollar website doesn't. Then, just before I push the final "pounds" button to execute, they say that they are going to charge me $15.00 for the privilege of avoiding the $40.00 late fee. I didn't push the button. Finally, I got a real voice, speaking REAL English, and I calmly (at first) asked the person why the bank has the above problems. His reply? "All banks do those things, Mr. Rivrdog". I didn't actually go off on the chap, but I did use the words "immoral business behavior", which he seemed to think was a conversation-ender.

We need a new "Truth in Banking" law. Simple rules that require banks having web pages (all of them) to post ALL their fees on a fee page clearly linked to the front (log-in) page. I don't think it would be too much of a burden to have them restricted from having credit card or loan due dates on non-banking days, either.

Am I a Marxist here? Please tell me I am so I can get out my Anarchist's Cookbook and get to work!

NSFW Words #2

A while back, I started this little series of things you would like to say to co-workers at work, but probably can't, since your boss actually pays a PeeCee maven to keep tabs on your intra-office communications, and make sure that they say nothing that would offend anyone you not only send it to, but anyone in the entire world.

Without further ado, then, here is the Second Edition.

NSFW Words

I haven't written a Curmudgeon post in a while, so it's about time.

I got a list of things that a Curmudgeon would like to say at work, but would be prevented by the PeeCee VeePee from doing so.

I'll put a few of them up today, more when I get in the mood.

Credit for the list goes to Major S, who is, unfortunately, still working where these words apply.

Curmudgeon Gripes

OK, this is my Declaration of Independence.

When, in the course of human events, one gets old enough to be considered for Curmudgeon Status, one has certain inalienable Rights, the foremost among them being expected to express Curmudgeonly Rants on diverse subjects.

1. Why are more and more gas stations going to Cash Only pricing, or adding 8 cents for using a credit card? I don't like to carry a lot of cash, because then I have to carry a bigger gun and keep my head moving more than is comfortable. Rates one Bah!
2. Celebrity worship. This is getting out of hand in our culture. When a gangsta rappa-ette gets out of prison, and there are five-minute segments on national news showing her surrounded by her thug posse and shaking her booty all the way to her Rolls Royce, it's too much for me:

"Throw nose-candy in the square, watch the gangstas gather 'round, take your twenty-millimeter there, and mow the foul-mouth bastards down." Rates two Bah!s and a RAAAAALPH!

Others:

• Ethanol. This society isn't going to be saved by Ethanol as fuel, for the simple engineering reason that it uses more energy to produce than engines can get out of it, so it's development as a replacement for gasoline is energy-negative, and will cost us dearly in the long run. It is also a huge Federal boondoggle for farmers, and is the next great subsidy, replacing the Land Bank subsidies. Just today, I noted a news item that a Kelo-type land taking is underway in Colorado to rip off a landowner for right-of-way to an unaccessed parcel so that an Ethanol plant can be built there, and a spur rail line connected. All the local pols are NOT apologetic about the taking, all turning strangely Marxian with the same old "it's for the greater good". Since Federal subsidies and tax abatements are involved, doesn't this taking fly in the face of the POTUS' recent Executive Order on banning the Feds from being involved in Kelo-type takings? Rates a swift kick in the ass for the "conservatives" who thought up this bonehead corporate and agrarian welfare scheme, and TWO kicks for any politician soiling his or her hands putting it into effect.
• My neighbors, who, every year, either force me to stay at home to man a garden hose to protect my property from their illegal fireworks, or use up a thousand gallons of expensive city water, over-sprinkling my lawns, cedar fences and flower-beds to prevent them catching fire. Actually, this year I'll have to both stay home AND sprinkle, since I have tempoary custody of a runabout boat on a trailer, with a nylon cover in my RV space, and I have seen first-hand what a single flying firework will do to one of those. I'm thinking of driving down to the Marine Patrol where I used to work and borrowing a roll of firehose and nozzle and just hosing down the whole cul-de-sac so that the fireworks shooters have to wear raincoats.
• Real estate agents. Who pollute my neat, valuable and well-kept subdivision with 6 or 8 signs for every house up for sale. They have the nerve even to plant them ON MY PROPERTY. They think that they have to have a trail of signs from the main drag 4 corners away to the house for sale, and there has to be at least two signs visible from each corner, and they don't even knock on my door to ask permission to plant a sign. I don't even get to wet my beak in their lucrative deals in return for providing the advertizing for them. For their ingratitude, my friend Vinnie, who worries about things like the lack of respect I'm getting, will un-round their tires, then sell them a $500 tow job to the nearest tire store. I've also thought about modifying the sign on my parking strip to read "6 million dollar house ahead", so prospective lookers won't make the last turn to get to the overpriced $437K cottage with mosquito-and-possum infested creek in the back. Rates a Bah! and a "Goom-bye, don't come back!"
• Colon surgery after-effects. Don't ask.

Just Perfect

It doesn't get any more curmudgeonly than this:

"...the news makes me grumpy. Yeah, I guess..reminds me of the Carlin quip years ago "We got a polish pope and a cowboy president and you wonder why I use dope?" Damn near that bad now except the pope is a Nazi and the president IS the dope."

That is vintage GuyK, from Charming, just Charming.

Curmudgeon Sunday

....Grrrrrr! Gout kicking my ass again last night and this morning. Have to express a little negativity to get the lack of sleep and pain out of my system.

1. When I got up, die frau was watching C-SPAN. There was a hearing on gas-price gouging going on. The chairman brought in the "Commissioner of Commodities" to testify. Now, I had no idea that such a high Federal Office existed as Commissioner of Commodities Trading. I wonder how much they pay Commissioner Lukken and his staff to sit and watch over the most useless part of capitalism that exists? If the entire commodities trading system vanished tomorrow, it would have no effect on the actual delivery of said commodities to market. The producers would still produce them and the buyers would still buy them, only the commodities middlemen who get rich off this gambling enterprise would be affected. Anyway, Comm. Lukken said that from where he sat, there was no tomfoolery in the gasoline futures market. No tomfoolery. Hmmmm. Thirty-five years ago, this oil was extracted and sent to market at fifty cents per barrel. At the time, we paid about a quarter a gallon for the finished product. Today, the same oil is marketed for Seventy-five dollars a barrel, 150 times as much, but we only pay three dollars a gallon for gasoline, or twelve times as much. What part of $75/barrel seems reasonable to you? When fear of unpredictable events is allowed to drive the market price via the commodities system, that system is screwing us royally, and should be eliminated. No tomfoolery my ass. The whole commodities trading system is nothing but tomfoolery.
2. The peace movement. I never realized the fact until now that the lack of a peace movement for the past 30 years had been such a blessing. Now the TV is full of "Amnesty Day" march footage, and all the moonbat liberals (Redundancy Alert!) are out in the streets exhorting us to ignore human nature and project no conflict beyond our own hides. What moronic ignoramuses! Perfect wastes of human protoplasm! I object to the very oxygen that they consume! They can all form a line from Manhattan to Portland OR and prepare to kiss my aching ass!
3. Hypocritical Democratic Party politicians (there I go again with another redundancy, this time least a triple). As GuyK so ably points out here, all the (D)onks are lining up to misquote Thomas Jefferson, in an obvious effort to look patriotic. These are the very same (D)onks who, just a few years ago, lined up to totally trash the memory of Jefferson when some wannabe historian wrote a book claiming that he had an extra-marital affair with one of his household slaves, and bore children by that slave-woman. You can't have it both ways, (D)ummies. Since you are all on record as having decided that one of the Fathers of our Nation was such a cad, you can't then invent cute quotations from him and extoll your own patriotic virue by doing so. To you, the individualism and positive force for liberty that Jefferson stood for is not yours to wrap yourself in. All you (D)isemblers may now leave the top of the rock where you hiss at the world from, and slither back under it from whence you came.

There! I feel so much better. I think I'll go down and rustle up some lunch.

Curse collection

Calling people names is childish. We all know that. Sometimes, your gut instinct tells you that it is the ONLY thing that will keep you from going to the gun safe for a solution, so we have curses.

Curses can be classified into various categories. There is what I would call the "Arabic Style": "may your best wife go to the doctor's tent for fertility advice and find the waiting area full of camel drivers who have been on the desert for 60 days without THEIR wives". (Pardon the lame curse, I made it up). This type can be clever, but it is wordy.

In blogging, we generally look for a shorter curse, so I am collecting blog-curses today.

I think the good blog-curse should be no more than three words, in the form of a modifier to the cursed's name. Here is a good example: "blithering fucknozzle", from this post over at Gut Rumbles.

So, curse away in the comments. Be advised that if you keep reading Rivrdog blog, you may see some of your contributions in print here.

If anyone is going to the "blown-eyed blodger" meeting in Austin, could you please try to collect a few good blog-curses and bring them back for me? Muchas gratitudinas.

Carnival of the Curmudgeons renamed

...to something else, to be announced later.

This wannabe corporate meglo has seized more of the "Carnivals" that guys like me labor over, so I reject his corporate empire by not referring to my work as a "Carnival" anymore.

Control freaks, screw them all.

Anyway, my work will continue to be published.

Just go over to Curmudgeon Call for more of the curmudgeonly rants, assuming, that is, that you don't satisfy your curmudgeon jones here on the Rivrdog Blog.

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Update: a reader pointed out to me in a private email that he thinks the carnival-collector is just trying to be nice and helpful. I have some words on such motives. See the comments area.
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