Nom de plume: Rivrdog

If I were an Alien

...I would be a lone scout, sent by my master to keep an eye on this quadrant of this universe, and report back any changes of significance....

So, the Third Planet from the Medium-aged Yellow Star has creatures which have developed some ability to reason. Since Reason is universally accepted as the first stage of the elevation of any life form to usefulness past being food, our Order watches these planets which have Reasoning creatures.

They are easy to spot, the early Reasoning creatures. They usually develop some method of communication over distance (which can be intercepted) and generally develop an early means of transportation off the planet, although this group of creatures does not seem poised to develop their off-world transport very soon, given their propensity to not even undertake research into de-materialization.

So, here I am, monitoring and storing these creatures' communications. One territorial group of them (they seem to be organized into geographic groups instead of species groups, which is more usual) seems to be dominant, but is, in fact, in the act of rapidly losing that dominance, which the computer says has been building up for quite some time. This change has interested the Master's Science Committee, which has a standing sub-committee to look into the behaviors of alien Reasoning creatures. I have been given the honor of providing a compilation of data on this type of change, which, according to my predecessors, has been occurring within these Reasoning Territorial Groups since their elevation to the Art of Reason.

The more I record and analyze, such as the illogical micro-behaviors just displayed at their Planetary Leadership Meeting, or "G-20" as they called it (note to self: research why this group actually used a definitive designator for such amorphous conduct), the more I find that all this behavior fits a cyclical pattern. The dominant territorial group has almost arrived at the end of it's cycle of dominance, and the only question left for me to resolve is whether that cycle will end with cataclysmic conflict or evolutionary change. At present, it appears trending towards the former case.

Since the dominant territorial group possesses most of the ability and materiel to wage effective conflict, with it's failure, it appears obvious that a power vacuum will soon ensue, characterized by constant planetary conflicts. About 1.7 of their "millennia" ago, such a cyclic collapse of the dominant group led to utter chaos, with all the territorial groups fighting one another, and the Art of Reason was almost lost, in fact, no forward progress was made for a full "millennium".

The computer analysis gives a 98% probability that all the cycles will converge to cause such a collapse again, but since advanced weaponry has been developed since the previous general collapse, the computer predicts that the Art of Reason will be lost with this conflict, and quickly.

The Art of Reason has not been perfected on this world, and in fact, appears to have aborted it's progress some 0.4 "millennium" ago. These creatures brought themselves almost to the point of developing full Reason, but it appears that their primary inter-social communications changed from the advancement of learning to some sort of anti-Reason doctrine, which they call "politics". Many refinements in "politics" were made, and many variations of it adopted by the various territorial groups, but the variation adopted by the dominant group seemed most likely to permit the final advancement of the Art of Reason. That is, until about 0.050 "millennium" ago, when, for some unexplained reason, a major deviation in the advancing direction of the dominant group's inter-social communication occurred, and a trend towards acceptance of doctrines proven to have failed in other territorial groups was established. That trend is now complete, and the dominant territorial group's medium of commercial exchange, up to now a relatively fixed standard, has been destroyed by order of the leadership. The computer predicts that this indicator alone is valid in 100% of this planet's cyclical declines away from the Art of Reason. Decoding the babble that is their intra-territorial communications will not be required, since this group's failure is guaranteed to occur soon, within 0.002 "millenium".

Computer! End analysis, summarize and transmit to Master, and request Master's permission for mission completion actions. There are other worlds advancing, not retreating, from the fulfillment of the Art of Reason. Mark this planet down as nothing more than a source of food creatures.

There's nothing more to see here, request permission to move to next assignment.

**************************************************************************

Heheheheheheheh! Did that without coffee, too.

Good evening, Mr. President

This is so easy, a caveman could do it...

OK, flash ahead to next Tuesday evening. In between Inaugural Ball appearances, the new President, back at the White House, has scheduled a quick overview of problems which will face him in his first weeks in office....

"Good evening, Mr. President, I am Rivrdog, your briefer for tonight."

POTUS: "Rivrdog? A pseudonym? Oh, well, go ahead Rivrdog, my time is limited."

"I'll be brief, Mr. President. First, we have the overall anti-terror conflict. I have nothing to brief because the Admiral has everything under control and will brief you tomorrow."

"Second is the Hamas-Israeli conflict in Gaza. You will need to consider your options on signing on to a required cease-fire for Israel."

POTUS: "You mean a Hamas-Israel cease fire?"

"No, Mr. President. Your people have said that it is Israel which needs to cease fire, adding Hamas is too dificult since they won't obey any rules."

POTUS: "Oh, I see."

"Moving on to the economy, you will need to make an even more bullish statement than you did in your Inaugural speech earlier. The 24-hour trading is showing signs of an October-like collapse which could be underway by Friday, Mr. President."

POTUS: "Yes, my financial adviser has gotten my trust out of more markets since yesterday."

"The TARP re-authorization is hung up on the Hill, Mr. President."

POTUS: "What did Tim say about that?"

"Mr. President, Mr. Geithner is keeping a low profile until tomorrow, when his confirmation hearings resume."

POTUS: "What's the advice coming out of my old Transition Office, then?"

"Mr. President, the last word I heard was "fasten your seat belts, there will be some turbulence."

POTUS: "Mr. Rivrdog, you are not here to amuse me, you are here to brief me."

"Yes, Mr. President."

POTUS: "Well, Rivrdog, that's quite a plate full. I trust any remaining matters are of secondary concern."

"Yes, Mr. President, but Mr. Holder did ask if you are going to make a statement about HR 45 or any other gun control measures."

POTUS: "You have to be shitting me, Rivrdog. Or should I say Mr. Holder has to be shitting me? I have more major problems on my plate than ANY new President has ever faced since George Washington, and Eric Holder wants me to pontificate on ending the Second Amendment?"

"Yes, Mr. President."

POTUS: "Mr. Rivrdog, what's the shortest route to my limo?"

"Right outside this door, Mr. President."

Tick, Tick, Tick....

I'm an old geezer, so I know how to wait out the clock. Right now, the clock is ticking down the hours until the polls open on the East coast next week. I make it 174 hours and some minutes....

I can wait, because I have plans for all eventualities.

Here they are, the basics only. Caliber of essential firearms not included.

Option One: Obama wins in a landslide. Jubilation on the Left for a few days, then the Pe-loser will try to get Bush to agree to starting on the Obama Grand Plan even before the bloke is inaugurated, and that will backfire on her and Harry Reid. The inter-regnum will be the primary subject of the media as well as the disintegrating economy. Relative peace will prevail here before Inauguration Day.

Option Two: Obama wins in a squeaker, and the Congressional results do NOT give the Pe-loser a supermajority, or Harry Reid either. Bad cop, no donut. The ineffectiveness of the ObamaNation starts even before Inauguration Day. Grumbling, but still peace in the streets. The Congress goes back to the GOP in 2010, and the Presidency in 2012. President Palin kicks butt for 8 years!

Option Three: Obama wins, but the Berg lawsuit tosses him out (after it gets to the CONSERVATIVE SCOTUS). Bush remains President until 1159 EST 1/20/09 and then???? As I see it, Biden can't accede to POTUS because Obama was never President. The SCOTUS decides. That makes Pe-loser President. She cocks it up, badly (but so would Biden if he got in). Rioting in the ghettos goes on for months, but is contained to the ghettos because Joe Sixpack forms militias to protect what's HIS. ALTERNATIVE CONCLUSION: Rioting gets OUT of the ghettos because the 20 million illegals decide it's in THEIR best interest to revolt also (that "La Raza" thing, remember?). Bitter battles are fought over neighborhoods, thousands are killed, but the militias win the day, eventually unite as a party, and demand Pe-loser step down, and she does! The Supremes wisely decide that a new election is in order, and it is held in the Spring. By the time it is held, most of the Mexicans are back in Mexico, revolting against the government THERE, and there is actually a clean election, which puts common sense conservative populism in charge of the Presidency AND the Congress. Only 18% of incumbents are re-elected to Congress.

Option Four: Obama loses in a squeaker. The ghettos riot, and the Mexicans join them. Militias form and contain the violence to the inner cities even though the po-po won't act. Bush seems to have had a stroke, but upon further review, it's just normal Bush. Inauguration Day comes around, and Bush's last act is to have two Army divisions in DeeCee with orders to maintain order at ANY cost. McCain can't stand the strain after swearing in, and after two months in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit at Bethesda Naval Medical Center, he resigns and President Palin is sworn in. Immediately, riots start again, but last less than two weeks with the "green light" given to all forces on riot duty. It seems that the boyz from the 'hoods don't really have the stomach for revolution when they're being shot on sight, and after the stores run out of Plasma TeeVees and beer, they just sulk and soon the local cops restore order, having been given "green lights" of their own. Some nasty relations prevail between the (D)onks and POTUS Palin, but in the 2010 elections, the (D)onks lose the majority in both chambers, a new era of common-sense populism prevails, and seems to suit the entire nation, because in the 2012 elections, Palin is returned with 49 States electing her, only Oregon with it's 54% State income tax (on the remaining few people who didn't flee) bucking the trend. The New Republicans sweep the House and Senate, and only 18% of incumbents of EITHER party are re-elected.

OK that's MY punditry for the next week. Make sure you vote, I already have.

Pick one option and act on it, or just dither like 85% of you will do anyway, and have to react to the crisis instead of being in charge of your destiny when it happens.

What if....

...there really WAS an Environment Court....

Bailiff (yours truly): Oyer, Oyer, Oyer, Environment Court is now in session, the Honorable Judge Dracon presiding.

(Judge enters from chambers, wearing the usual black robes)

Bailiff: The parties to today's proceedings are present, together with their attorneys.

Judge: Today is the time set for Preliminary Motions in the case of Village of The Damned versus Al Gore. In previous hearings, Mr. Gore was bound over for trial on charges of Grand Larceny and Impersonating a Deity. Mr. Gore has waived his right to jury trial, and as I noticed, also waived his right to counsel. He will be proceeding Pro Per. The Village of The Damned is represented by Dudley DuRight, City Attorney.

Judge: Just for the Court's continuing education, just where in Hell IS the Village of The Damned?

     (Laughter)

Counsel DuRight: Your Honor, the Village of The Damned sits on the Idaho/Oregon border, near the northeast corner of Oregon.

Judge: I've fished out there. So the Village of The Damned is in Hell's Canyon?

Counsel DuRight: Yes, your Honor.

Judge: You may proceed, Counsel

Counsel DuRight: Thank you, your Honor, and if it may please the court, I'll waive plaintiff's statement and allow Mr. Gore to proceed.

Al Gore: (Rising to address the Court) Your Honor, Defendant objects to the jurisdiction as well as the charges and specifications this Court has handed me. On the main charge, Grand Larceny, I should be tried in either  State or Federal Court, depending on the the allegations of the Complaint, and I can't even find a reference to the second charge of Impersonating a Deity in any penal code. I have prepared a Motion to Dismiss based on these arguments.

Judge: Counsel?

Counsel DuRight: Your Honor, how quickly Defendant forgets his history. Two years after Defendant won the Nobel Prize for defending the environment, Environment Court was established as the first order of business for the then-new Obama Administration. Certainly Defendant remembers his own stirring speech before the United Nations General Assembly where he declared that every citizen on the planet was responsible for the environment, and that such responsibility required enforcement? He was immediately followed by President-Elect Obama's address declaring that even the United States Constitution would be secondary to the jurisdiction of this Environment Court.

Al Gore: Defendant recognizes the events Plaintiff's Counsel refers to, but I fail to see any logic behind this Court seizing jurisdiction from a lower court, and especially I fail to see how this court has authority to invent new law.

Judge: Bailiff, will you take a position nearer to Defendant's Table, the same position you would take if this were a Custody Matter?

Bailiff: (completely fails to suppress a wide grin) Yes, your Honor.

Judge: Will the Defendant please rise? (Al Gore stands). Mr. Gore, you have the temerity to make a slur upon the integrity of this Court, and now it's time for some Draconian Justice. You say this Court "invented" new law? Mr. Gore, you have failed again to remember your own screed. You've written and spoken many times that we are killing the planet, and you yourself invented so-called "science" to attempt to prove it. The planet is not dying, Mr. Gore, in fact it is not even heating up any more, it is cooling down. How else would you explain Heavy Snow warnings in the Cascade Mountains in the second week in June, or the record snowpack in those same mountains, a snowpack which might not completely melt before the next snow season? How do you explain the recent satellite mappings of Earth's temperatures, all of which show cooling compared to the cherry-picked locations you cited in your book and movie? How do you explain the fact that the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration tolerated weather stations for years that failed to meet their own standards for accuracy of temperature observation?

Judge: I'll explain it for you, Mr. Gore. Two words. Pure invention. You invented "Global Warming Hysteria", and based on that form of pseudo-science, you have personally enriched yourself, and you have caused millions of people throughout the world to suffer a loss of income and lifestyle, the dollar totals of which may never be known. You only did that because you, yourself were convinced that you were a god, a messiah put on this Earth to return Earth to the conditions it was in before the advent of Man. You are NOT a god, Mr. Gore, you are a common thief, but because you have so warped and destroyed proper modes of Earth's stewardship, your crime rises to the level of genocide. It's not exactly genocide, but it accomplished the same thing.

Al Gore: Will the Court please hear me out?

Judge: No, this court has heard enough from you Mr. Gore. This court dismisses your motions, and finds, in summary judgment, that you have, indeed stolen countless billions of dollars from citizens all over this good Earth, and you have, indeed, impersonated a deity. Tomorrow, this court will impose sentence on you, Mr. Gore, but until then, you will be taken into custody. Mr. Bailiff, stand this man down. There will be no bail.

Bailiff: All rise. (Judge Dracon rises from the bench, signs two papers from the clerk, and leaves the courtroom).

D-Day

D-Day.

No, not the famous amphibious landing in Normandy in 1944.

I'm talking about Dispersal Day, that day when it becomes imperative to disperse your personal weaponry away from your home to locations sufficiently remote as to be unlinkable to you by the casual Federal investigator. Multiple locations.

D-Day is right around the corner, as Kevin points out here.

There are risks associated with weapons dispersal, of course. Risks such as increased chance of theft, difficulty in maintenance, etc.

Think of it this way: Look at what weapons dispersal COULD HAVE DONE for the US Army and Navy at Pearl Harbor on 12-7-41. Look at what it's done for Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

For those of us who have said, on the Internet, repeatedly, that we are willing to fight and die for our Constitution, here in the USA, should it be sufficiently subverted by the Government, we are all on that list when these bills become one and become law, as they likely will.

When you are being watched, it's too late to do things like move guns around. You need to do that BEFORE you start being watched.

You have been warned.

What if.....

All delusional people were not only denied possession AND access to firearms, BUT TO THE BALLOT BOX ALSO?

Heh-heh.

The (D)onks would lose about a quarter to a half of THEIR constituency, the GOP would lose the fanatical Christian right end, and the Big-L Libertarians wouldn't be able to field ANY candidate, even if they stuck him into an elephant hide a la Ron Paul.

Hmmmm.

Maybe there IS something to this witch hunt for whackos, after all.

Moderate Muslims

In this blog, I've almost continually ranted against radical Islam, because it has hurt us physically, and also because it seeks to deny all modern thinking, some of which is actually valuable and advances all species. I've raved on about Moderate Muslims, and beseeched them to show themselves and reclaim their religion from the tiny proportion of radicals that has hijacked it.

This morning, I applied more thought, and less attitude to the problem:

What if I was a Moderate Muslim speechwriter?

Well, for starters, I'd be real lonely in my profession, since only the radical Muslim speechwriters seem to garner any ink from the leftist press with their work.

What if a miracle happened, and all of a sudden, I had the opportunity for one of my products to actually be broadcast by the MSM?

Would I be ready?

Would I have something in the can, or at least roughed out that I could slam out and get that burst of attention that might just be the tipping point away from the radicalization of my entire religion?

Maybe I would.

Hot Windows XP news

....what if:

You woke up one morning in the fall, went to your computer to read your mail and post on your blog, and the damn thing wouldn't boot up. You try everything, and it still doesn't boot up.

Then you get a text message on your cell phone from a blogger buddy who says find ANY way you can to get on the net and read a URL he sends.

You read it, and it seems that about 10-20% of all computer users in the nation are in the same boat as you, causing great consternation and loss of business.

Far-out scenario?

Get ready for it.

This ZD-net article (ZD net is a huge computer user forum, very well respected) says that Microsoft WILL NOT DENY that they are about to REQUIRE ALL WIN-XP USERS TO PROVE THAT THEY LEGITIMATELY OWN THE LICENSES FOR THEIR OPERATING SYSTEM SOFTWARE.

I OWN mine, and you probably own yours, BUT CAN YOU PROVE IT TO MICROSOFT'S SATISFACTION?

The fluff is over the "Windows Genuine Advantage" tool that Windows Update has been downloading for some time now, and updating frequently. I have downloaded it, and allow it to update.

I suspected all along that it is a snitch, and every time I boot or restart my computer, it tries to report to Mama Microsoft. I know this because I have set my firewall (Zone Alarm) to require permission for it to do so. I deny the contacts, and, for now, my boot proceeds normally.

ZD-net says that Microsoft is about to make this snitching mandatory, and if you don't participate, WITH THE VERY LATEST VERSION OF THE SNITCH TOOL, Mama Microsoft will kill your computer OS in 30 days.

Here's the problem. Microsoft has a terrible record of accuracy in validation using it's system of validation keys. I have seen estimates that as many as 20% of these keys don't work as advertised, and that Microsoft has a terrible record of making good on busted keys. I personally have MS software that has zero capability for re-installation due to this key issue.

Lots of perfectly legitimate computer users will have their computers turned into boat anchors if Microsoft has their way on this ill-advised solution to a minor leak in their bottom line.

Pirated software IS an international issue, and some nations (China is huge in the piracy biz) have cost Microsoft a lot of money.

That's no reason for Microsoft to take it out on the rest of us little fish.

I don't generally root for any socialist government, but I have the feeling that the European Union will do battle with Microsoft on this issue, and will win. You go, EU!

I would like to see some injunctions filed to prevent Microsoft from killing computers until and unless it can EXACTLY identify which ones are running pirated operating systems and which aren't.

Currently, Microsoft can't do that, but plans to ignore it's corporate sloppiness and proceed with computer-killing anyway. That's just wrong, and unless I see a major reversal out of Redmond, I will post an advice on this site as to how a little guy (or gal) will be able to take a shot at Microsoft locally, and bring that giant to it's knees, all legal and proper.

I suspect that Microsoft will probably be sued in Federal Court over this proposal, and an injunction will be obtained to prevent them from pulling the switch on computers without going through a court process to do it, which is the proper (vexing, but legal) way to do it, as the RIAA has demonstrated.

But, you need to prepared, and keep a heads-up on this issue.

You need Microsoft to operate your computer (unless you are a Linux True Geek, or an Apple True Believer), but you also need to remember that they are NEVER your friend. Not now, not ever.

If any of you are Microsoft shareholders, you might go to their shareholders forum and post an inquiry as to why the CFO is going to allow the techies to pull this off, when it will reduce Microsoft's bottom line, perhaps severely.

Tip of the wizard cap to Retired Geezer at Blog Idaho.

What if...(Rob's version)

What if...a totally free spirit ran up against the world's most regimented mental boot camp?

Any bets?

I'm betting on Rob to keep his mind free, but put his "s**t in one sock" as he put it.

A free spirit doing 12-Step. I dunno. Rob made the choice and it won't be no Betty Ford, with daily massages and aroma therapy, if I can read between the lines.

It will correct his course, so he can get to his Destination with a straight outlook. I've not done the course, but have several close friends who have. They're all better for it. I do worry that he won't get very good medical help there, though, because those people operate that place on the assumption that all of your misery came out of a bottle or a syringe.

Rob will need some support. Any of his readers who also read this blog may use my attached email addy, and I will print off your emails and mail them daily to Rob via snail mail (when I get his rehab addy), his only link to the outside world. I suspect that the folks that run his rehab may read that mail, so make it encouragement messages and not text on how to buck the system. If Rob wants to buck the system, he's smart enough to do that by himself.

What if...a man who wrote well already went to 12-Step, got his s**t in one sock, and came out to use his then-superior concentration to write that defining book about the lost culture...well, that book would be brilliant, and it would sell itself.

Go to it Rob, you've already made the grade, and I can't wait for the book!

What if...

You could eliminate just ONE thing from your life? One thing that if subtracted from your daily routine, would markedly improve that life?

For me, it would be direct marketing.

The telemarketers and the direct mail advertisers. In my recent memory, I have bought only one thing as a result of direct marketing. That was near Xmas one year, and Sears sent me a mailing that had a choice of cheap little gifts in it, some of which were useful, like the pocket-sized umbrellas.

I ordered about ten of the little gift items, and gave most of them to people for whom some gifting was expected, but it needed to be a token item. I had quite a few of those folks on my list.

Aside from that, I don't buy from direct advertising.

Just now, the phone rang. I looked at the Caller ID. Someone with United Equity, which I haven't done business with, but they were actually calling from a long-distance number, so I answered. An inner-city voice asked if he could speak to the "homeowner". I gave the standard reply, "Sorry, we buy nothing from telemarketers." The telemarketer got angry and shouted, "This ain't a telemarketing call." I hung up.

Yes, I know about the "Do not Call List", but have resisted adding myself to it, because I believe that there is sufficient corruption in government that such a list will eventually be sold to telemarketers, if it hasn't been already. Also, when the occasional telemarketer DID call, in violation of my "do not call" status, I would feel bound to go through the motions to report them, and frankly, I just don't feel like wasting that many minutes of my life. It's much easier to just say "no" and cut off the telemarketers, or not answer the phone when one of them calls.

Direct mail ads are another matter. I pay 37 cents to mail a letter or bill, and that will soon go up to 40 or 41 cents, just because of this junk mail that I get pounds of every week, the low postage rates of which is supported by the first-class mail that I actually use.

It's almost enough to make me wish that there was a Federal system of Initiative and Referendum, like we have at local and state levels here in Oregon. Then someone could gather signatures (via a direct-mail campaign), get enough to qualify, and we could require the Post Office to charge the direct-mailers First Class postage. That would end their game.

But then, Initiative and Referendum doesn't always give the desired result. That's why, despite several tries some years back, we are still stuck with not being able to pump our own fuel at gas stations in this state. It's a Socialist thing, wanting to have thousands of minimum-wage make-work jobs for pump jockeys. But, that's another rant for another day.