This ayem I awaken from indifferent dreams, pry open the crusty old eyes, reach for my tablet and open my email.
This is on top of the stack at the perspac addy:
I thought you might like to know some reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for Rivrdog.typepad.com.
1. Your website Rivrdog.typepad.com is not ranking top in Google organic searches for many competitive keyword phrases.
2. Your company is not doing well in most of the Social Media Websites.
3. Your site is not user friendly on mobile devices.
There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis in the form of aWEBSITE AUDIT REPORT for FREE.
Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company's website traffic and online reputation. You will be happy to know that, my team is willing to guarantee you 1st page Google ranking for most of your targetted keyword phrases in our six month ongoing campaign.
Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you. I am also available to meet you in person and present you this website audit report.
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PS I: I am not spamming. I have studied your website and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.
PS II: I found your site using Google search and after having a look over your website I recommend you to implement future technologies such as HTML5 and Responsive Design to make your site more accessible in mobile phone, tablets, desktop etc.
I am immediately struck by the full force of a huge gravity-wave of ignorance coated with lies.
- This schmuck did NOT read my blog at all. Had he done so, he would have detected immediately that this is not a "company", just a collection of thought from an individual.
- This schmuck doesn't even know how to push the spell-checker button on his text editor.
- He never tried out Rivrdog on an Android device, it comes in just fine, and I have read it easily on a Windows Phone as well. I don't own the other brand which charges for shit I get for free on Droids.
- If he really had looked at my blog, he would have noted that it used to be hammered by as many as 2,000 pageviews/day, but then I quit posting gratuitous porn several years back, and lost about 3/4 of my readership. BTW, almost all that readership was from Islamic countries in the Middle East.
- If he had really, REALLY looked at the blog, he would have found the post I wrote several years ago addressing this exact subject, and noting that I was NOT going to turn the blog commercial, because the headhunters at the IRS were said to be compiling lists of those who did so, and bloggers might expect an unfriendly audit.
- As far as Social Media goes, I was probably using it before this schmuck was, and I noted that it did nothing for my numbers.
This blog has two over-arching goals, to teach and inform on issues of the day, and a secondary goal of allowing me to express my feelings on any subject. Expressing them now, you sir, are a schmuck, a liar and a boil on a pox on a pustule on the ass of the planet.
THAT is what we call a Thursday Thud. I might regret it, not having read the news of the day yet, but I am going to award this schmuck the Effinger of the Day, Dummy of the Week AND Maroon of the Month awards.
Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.